The Promised Story *reader beware*

Firstly there may be some inappropriate content in this particular post for children and possibly some teens. Secondly let me say this story is one I need to tell from start to finish it is also something I said I'd do here. Thirdly I should probably be fair to all parties mentioned in this story by saying that it happened a long time ago, like over 15 years ago, and that I was 4 at the time so my memory might not be so great and there are even parts I can't recall. During the time of the story when those events arise I can't recall I'll say so. Sit back & enjoy the ride.

The Big age in my life, if you can believe it, was age 4. In that year my parents got married (mom & tech step-dad), I had to get stitches in my head (doesn't actually pertain to story), and I was raped. (now is your chance to stop reading now that you know what the story about.)

April 24, 1993 (almost exactly 1 month after 4th b-day) my parents got married. Some of his side of the family couldn't make it (knowing that side better now I'd say more likely didn't want to go.) Finally come September (can't recall exact dates) we get the chance to visit them (at this time they are 2 hours away.) When we get there I get to meet my one of my new aunts, uncles (this one isn't in the pic anymore she now on 4th marriage I think), and cousin (only one on that side at the time.) Well the adults decided to go out without the kids this way us kids could get to know each other better & adults could get to know each other better. (My cousin was 13 so he was considered old enough to watch a 4 year old for a few hours.) I got to know him in a way I never wanted to.

I remember him flipping through the channels on the TV and turning it off claiming that nothing was on (I no longer know if it was the truth or not) and he asked if I wanted to play a game. Like any 4 year old child I said yes. He turned off the TV and led me to his bedroom where he proceeded to sit on the bed and pull his pants down. I remember the silence and that there was little to no light. I don't remember any of the exact words used after this point. He basically asked me to suck on his penis and I must have hesitated or looked weary or something because he grabbed this little green teddy bear wearing a top hat and a cloth diaper. He told me I could have the bear if I did everything he said that night & didn't tell anyone about it. I thought the bear was the cutest thing in the world so I agreed. I honestly don't remember anything else from that night & I'm not sure I want to. I do remember what happened the next morning though. I was quieter than usual so my mom took me out on the front steps (they lived in a trailer) where I proceeded to tell her everything. She then called my dad out there and had me tell him my tale. I remember that it took everyone to pull him of Russell (my cousin) and keep him off. The next thing I knew I was sitting in the police station playing with some dolls to show the police everything that happened. My mom tells me I kept asking about the officer's gun. That is all I actually remember the rest I know is mainly due to what I've been told by my mom. I was raped that night orally, vaginally, and rectally (sp?) and those few & rare of you that might claim it wasn't rape because I agreed & did it willingly just let me say this ... I'm not so sure I truly did it willingly and Russell even told the police himself that if I hadn't cooperated he would have forced me.

And as far as I can recall shortly after that night John (bio dad) stopped visiting as often as he did and went to visiting on b-days, christmas, and 2 non holiday days.

The majority of my fears today can be traced back to that night. One of the more unrational ones being that I'm afraid of silence so much so that I fall asleep watching tv and my parents used to come in a turn it off after I fell asleep....needless to say I woke up screaming about 5-10 mins later everytime so eventually they stopped turning it off.


~Nina