I really want to know. Does anyone have the answer to the question in my title, cause I don't. It was recently discovered that there is an issue with my younger brother. Well not actually discovered, more like he told us. Which leads to the question of what kind of big sister am I if I didn't even realize there was a problem? Can I really be so self absorbed? So busy worrying about my own stupid little problems and pain to not have noticed something was seriously wrong? Obviously the answer is yes. So much so that I almost just started defending myself(in my own blog) for not realizing something was (and still is) wrong by stating all my own personal issues (both those already stated and those not yet gotten to.)
Another problem which leads to the title question is that my younger sister got mad yesterday (it after midnight here) and hurt herself. As far as anyone knows this was the first time, in fact for all I know it could have just been an accident, but the way my mom spoke of it I'm not so sure.
Which leads to the 3rd issue. With the problems/issues with my younger siblings & my own issues (which are minor to me compared to theirs despite the fact I the only one in counseling) my mom is starting to feel like a failure as a parent (my dad is probably feeling the same way, but she is the only one to say so.) Knowing I'm helping to make her feel that way hurts and the only way I know of that will stop her feeling that way is if she has at least one thing go right with at least one of her kids. Well seeing as I can't even fix my own problems (I don't even know why I have half of my problems and the other half of problems I probably don't know about) how can I fix my bro's or sis's problems? Which leaves the only other option (at least the only option that will receive quick results) ... putting my 'mask' permanently into place.
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2 comments:
Hun, you can't hold yourself responsible for your siblings behaviours and choices. Just like I can't hold my brothers choices over my head, and blame myself, because I'm the older of us two. We both grew up with the same issues, we just handle them differently. You, reacted one way to all the things going on in your life, and your siblings react in their own ways. That's how things are.
That's how life is. Everyone is different. It isn't fair to you, and ultimately everyone else, if you put that mask on and pretend to be okay. Because sooner or later, it WILL back fire and things will be worse than before. Do you want that? The best way to start fixing things, is to start admitting there is a problem.
You're in counseling, which is great. But its time I think your siblings get counseling, hell even your parents. Go to group therapy. You all need to talk, and feel free to talk, and the best place to do that is with a counselor/mediator present. I really hope things work out for all involved.
<3 Khai
Despite I'm only now getting around to this, which I apologize for, but, Khai basically said all that I would say. :/ so this is sort of stupid, but just know that i did read and i'm here to talk if you need me.
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