Gift Exchange

Well I guess I should start of by saying I didn't go to my counseling appointment today like I was supposed to. Earlier in the week I had turned off my alarm clock and though I remembered to set it last night for me to get up I forgot to turn it back on, whether it was an accident or subconsciously done on purpose I may never know.

So my dad got this phone call today from Susan, his sister, (yes that does tech make her my aunt and yes I do deny that every chance I get because I don't want her for an aunt or her son as a cousin) trying to make plans for when everyone can get together to exchange gifts (she is the one who gave my 17 year old brother a purse for Christmas last year). Basically what she wanted to do is have the get together on a day when I can't be there. Well that is fine by me cause I don't want to spend anytime with her selfishness. When I had my surgery back in June she came to visit me in the hospital with her 4th husband I think (they got married the day of my HS graduation via a justice of the peace in her backyard. They refused to move it a day ahead or later because she wanted her friends from work to attend, then she got mad at my dad for not going. She said and I quote "You can come to my wedding and give me away and still be back in time to see her walk the stage. She's a W for Christ sake." My dad is my step-dad and his last name (along with my mom and sibs) starts with a K.) Anyways I was texting someone on my phone (probably IMing to let people know that my surgery went well) and didn't pay that much attention to them besides saying hi and bye when they left. (did I mention it was my first time meeting her husband? now who wants to meet someone when they've just come out of surgery & so they don't look their best) I found out later that she had called my dad and complained about my behavior, like I did something wrong. Again I quote as (close as I can recall) "Nina is so rude. I hauled my hurt ass up there to see her (I was on the second floor) and she didn't pay any attention to me. " The hurt she was complaining about was a scrape on her knee from when she fell down earlier. So basically she could fall off the face of the earth for all I'd care, but she is my dad's sister & I can see it hurts him everytime something like that happens between us. Which is why if I can go to the gift exchange I'll be going. Despite the fact that I'll have to be in the same house and at times even the same room as my rapist (Russel, her son, my cousin. I was 4 he was 13, 1st meeting & he was babysitting) and a lot of people who blame me for sending him to jail (though he only got 1 night & 3 years probabition) I'll be there if possible and I'll be wearing my "mask" as my counselor calls it so that I can try and avoid causing my dad more pain. I hate it when I hurt the people I love.

~ Nina