I wish people would stop telling me what I want and what I should do.
Just because I don't know what I want out of life doesn't mean I don't know what I need to do.
Yes I know I need to go to college because a degree will make getting a job, with a paycheck decent enough to live off of, easier. No I don't know yet what I want to major in and all my friends telling me they know what they want, have known since starting college, and everyone telling me what they think I should major in doesn't help any. I finally told my family about some of the pressure I was feeling, though none of it was about what I've already mentioned. I told them about the pressure I was feeling to take a full class load, I'm about to the point where the classes I take depend on what I decide to major in, but if I don't take a full class load my parents lose money (the child support check from my bio dad, and some of step-dad's VA (or something like that)) and yet on the other hand if I take classes towards one major and change my mind about my major most likely those classes won't count towards my new major and they'll lose money that way. Now though my parents are okay and have found a way to deal with the money if I don't take a full class load (which I won't be next semester) I still fill bad over the fact that I'm costing them money and feel pressured (this being pressure I'm putting on myself) to try and find a way that won't cost them money. No matter how I look at it though I can't seem to find a way. Every option that pops into my mind will end of costing them or hurting them in some form. I hate this.
~Nina
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I'm sorry love, I really am. Life is hard enough, and to have others trying to tell you what to do, as if you don't know.. then to tell you what you need, like you're some sort of invalid.. it's even worse when they tell you what you like and don't like, like what you really like and don't like are just some sort of crazy psychosis you're feeling. Yeah. I feel for you, trust me, I do. I'm here for you when ever you need to talk.
A lot of things have changed for me, as you can see from any of my blogs, but I'm still the same caring guy, that would do just about anything for those he loves. And you Nina, are and always will be someone I love. I hate how the past has torn us apart, but hopefully in the future we can fight our way back together.
<3 Khai
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