I'm done, I'm through, I give up because I just can't take it anymore. I've caused myself too much pain over this and it is time I made it end. It is highly probably that you'll never read this or hear me speak these words out loud but they still need to be said. If for nothing else than my own piece of mind.
You've missed or forgotten so many special & important events in my life and I've always made excuses for you. Shoot you even forgot about my 16th birthday, I didn't even get a phone call from you & on my 18th birthday you basically said "I tell you I love you because my dad never told me" you might not have said those exact words, but that was the message you left me with and you were supposed to stay the whole weekend, but I wanted to sleep in my own bed instead of in a hotel room with you so you left that night and missed celebrating with the rest of my family. Those are just 2 of the events you missed. & what occurred today was the final straw.
Today I get a phone call saying that Great Aunt Vera had passed away. Now I know I didn't know her very well or anything except that she is/was my Grandma's sister. And instead of calling your own daughter to tell her what happened you call my mom, your ex-wife, at work when you knew that I was at home because I work in the evenings. Today was all the proof I needed that you've been avoiding me.
Last time I saw you was back towards the beginning of January when we exchanged Christmas gifts. It is now the last day of April. You live 2 hours away I've called and texted you every time I got a Saturday or Sunday off from work so we could set up plans to get together and do something, but you've always had same excuse "I'm going out of town that weekend for work" and I bought it every time. I even believed you when you said you could come to my 20th birthday celebration, even though I had it in the same city you live & work in, because you couldn't get away from work....even during your lunch hour.
On April 22nd I sent you a text from work because I realized I had May 3rd off work, which is this Sunday, to once again see if you wanted to do anything. I will say that this time you didn't bother using work as an excuse....in fact you didn't bother sending any form of reply. I'm tired of always having to be the only adult in this relationship and having to take charge, even when I was in elementry school. & I'm tired of being hurt by your carelessness. Which is why I'm done trying to have a relationship with you. As far as I'm concerned you've officially lost all rights to me. You might be my biological father, but you'll never be my dad.
~Nina
This is my blog and it will contain anything I fell like putting into it. For once I am going to be completely honest with myself if nowhere else then here. If you don't like it I'm sorry but you don't have to read it. No one is forcing you.
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3 comments:
I'm sorry that his actions have caused you to reach this decision. I really am. I don't and wont say I know how you're feeling, despite my father hasn't been in my life since I was 12.. but that's a good thing. He's locked up, and away for another 7 years.
You're right though, finally calling it quits. You do seem to be the only true adult, in regards to him.
I'm sorry hon.
So am I. I hate the fact that it has come down to this choice...Let his actions continue to cause me hurt & pain or stop it all together by stopping the relationship. Yes, the choice I've made does hurt because I've worked so hard and made sacrifices to try and make it work, but in the long run I think this decision will cause the least amount of pain. I mean it isn't like I don't have an amazing father figure in my life for me to follow and live by. My true dad (step-dad) is awesome & I love the fact that he is my dad (though not bio) & married to my mom because of me. (another story for next time)
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