Voices

First things first. Though I normally don't do this I'm going to repeat some of the things in my very first blog mainly because they will most definitely apply to the blog that is going to appear shortly after these words.

Secondly I think it is only fair that I warn/let you guys who read this & care about me that this one is mainly going to be directed at myself from myself. And though it will make me appear crazier than I've ever acted or let on I'm going to share this other little tid-bit about me so that maybe you'll understand where this might be coming from. For as long as I can remember I've had voices running through my head. I've never known which one was my own voice so I've always just followed and listened to the one that seemed to do the best. You know the one that says "stay out of trouble, be on time, follow the rules..." that kind of stuff. Of course the same voice says "everything is fine, it wasn't your fault, you'll be okay just get though today." Sadly that voice isn't always the loudest one and no matter how hard I try to ingore or supress it the loudest voice breaks though and I can't help but listen.....this post/blog is going to show everyone a piece of that voice as it got through today. (and yes there are more than 2 voices in my head but those were the only two worth mentioning at this time) If you are still going to continue reading this then please keep in mind that this next bit all occured all the 'spoken' words were only said in my head.


"Shut the fuck up already!!! I'm sick and tired of your whinning when something happens. Especially since it is your own frickin fault! You can't complain and say someone pushed you out of the way when in actuality they didn't even touch you because instead of standing your ground and walking where you want to you move out of the way. You just let the other person walk in front of you then slow down so they can walk next to the person you're walking next to. And instead of standing your ground and making it so they'd have to push you out of the way or walk somewhere else you slow down and move out of the way. Which in my book means you can't explain. And while we are on this complaining streak and I have your attention let me say something else. I'm sick of hearing you say you were raped. Ok so I'll give you the fact that he told the police that if you hadn't agreed and done what he said he would have forced you. If that had happened then it would have been rape, but it didn't....you did agree and you did do what he said. Open your eyes you idiot...that means he didn't force you which means, according to the deffinition of rape in the dictionary, you weren't raped! So please shut up about that as well and stop going around and using it as an excuse for you being a weak, cowardly, chicken."



And that is where it stopped....which means either I was able to block it out once again or it was done saying what it had to say and just got quiet on its own for now.

~Nina