Running

First and foremost I'm gonna once again start this off with a message/warning. First part being that this might seem all jumbled and you might not be able to follow or keep up, don't feel bad I can barely follow & keep up myself sometimes and these are my own thoughts. Second being that if you are able to keep up then there is a chance there will be some things said that is going to make you mad and if that ends up being the case I'm sorry you feel that way. Now on to the blog.


I'm tired of constantly lying to everyone, including myself. I'm not pretty, I'm not really worth it, and most importantly I'm not good, I'm not fine, I'm not okay. I'd gotten used to the fact that every single day is a battle to keep going and not look back to the things that happened in the past, but now it is effecting my nights as well. Everytime I lay down to sleep I literally end up lying there for hours because no matter how tired I am I can't seem to sleep. Now at first I just blamed this on my siblings making all sorts of noises during the night, but this past week they were not home and it still happened. I have an idea as to why, but no idea as to how to fix it. Now for those of you who's imagination is running wild right now, this is not a suicide letter. I've already stated before that I'm not selfish enough to hurt those I love like that. I'm also tired of being treated like I'm an idiot and like I don't know what I'm doing. Like I said I may not be pretty or anything like that, but I'm not stupid. If I need help or am comfused about something I'll ask. Also I'm not some little five year old, I'm 20 years old paying my own car insurace; my own cell phone bill as well as my grandmother's; my own gasoline; my credit card bills; half my college tution; and some other stuff I haven't named. & dammint I deserve to be treated like it. I just wish like hell that I had to courage to tell this to the people that treat me like that.

~Nina