Confused/Understanding/Bold

For awhile now every time someone asks me if I'm seeing anyone or if there are even any prospects I get mad at them, but I never really took the time to examine as to why I get so mad when they are only asking a honest and simple question. Well I've finally figured out why I feel that way. The anger is just a front to mask how much the question hurts me. The question hurts because I spend the majority of my time trying to occupy my mind so that it doesn't have the chance to think about how lonely I feel or how much I long to have someone in my life. Someone I can share anything & everything with. Someone I can love & care for & who would love & care for me in return. Someone who would put me 2nd (1st always is & always should be God). Someone who shares my beliefs. Someone who will know when to challenge me & when to just be there for me. But because of the way I've basically lived my life in a shell, not letting anyone close, it doesn't look like that will ever happen, at least not any time soon. Now don't get me wrong I am actually getting better at stepping outside my shell & trying to let others in but changing a habit thats 22 years-old is hard. Anyways the question hurts because it is like suddenly getting all of that thrown back in my face when I wasn't expecting it.


It also bugs me when, now that I'm actually trying to come out of my shell, people start trying to set me up on blind dates. I'll admit it's one thing when someone i don't really know try to set me up with someone, but it's another when family & close friends try it. I know they're trying to be nice & helpful and that they really do care about and that they don't mean it this, but the message I get is that they agree with me & don't think that I'll ever meet someone. Like I said I know that's not true, but it's still the way I feel.

~Nina


Oh & 1 more thing. I'm actually going to make this post readable. If you don't like what I said don't comment. If you want to comment fine, but understand this I see all comments before they become public & if I don't like the comment I won't make it public, I'll just delete it. I'm feeling pretty bold right now & I actually kinda like that feeling. Maybe one day I'll even feel bold enough to make public the 1 blog I do currently hide from the world.