Where am I?

I'm sure some of y'all have been wondering why I've been afk (or I guess technically afl (away from laptop)) lately. & When asked I kept giving real, but lame, excuses as to why I wasn't on. Some of those excuses included school, work, & parents being out of town so I had to deal with the teenage drama. While all were real excuses, they were just that excuses. If I had really wanted on I'm sure I could have found time in there somewhere to get on, especially since my school is online. Like I said while they were all real reasons that kept me from my laptop at those times they are & were just excuses.

Of course that paragraph probably only leads to more questions like "where am I? Why didn't I make time to get on? Why am I still not making time to get on? Why does it feel like you have to push or beg me to get on? What is going on?" The truth is I'm not sure I can answer those questions for you because I'm not sure I can answer those questions for myself, but I am going to try & do the best I can to answer those questions. & the only way I know how to answer those questions is by answering the last question of "What is going on?" & hopefully in that answer we will find the other answers.
I'm not sure where to begin, there just seems to be soo much going on right now, some known & some unknown. All of it a bit stressful in its own way. As some of you may know in Nov last year I had gastric bypass surgery and I don't regret it, but at my last doctor appointment my doctor showed some worry because of how fast I am losing the weight. & since I can't eat more in one setting without getting sick I really am trying to snack/eat more often, unfortunately my schedule doesn't always allow me to snack that often. But if I don't/can't slow down my weight loss then there is a good chance that at my next doctor appointment (in June, if something or side effects doesn't happen sooner) I will be hospitalized for anorexia. That alone would be a very stressful situation for anyone along with scary. I'm also currently in training for a new/higher position at the commissary. My job title is currently store associate (I run a cash register) & the position I'm training for is teller. I think that I basically have the position & that my training is almost finished except for a few things they can't really train me in until I've officially been moved up to teller. & because of the way I am (I have a habit of being a bit of a perfectionist & if I can't do it right/perfectly I tend to just give up) being in a new situation & learning new things, including rules is pretty stressful for me, but I am happy to have this chance to move up because whether the new position comes with a pay raise or not (I honestly don't know & probably won't know until officially moved into the position) my paychecks will be higher because I'm guaranteed more hours. There is also school, I'm attending an online college & anybody who has even done a little bit of college knows how stressful that can be. To top it off, whether it be good or bad, I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to get this done right. & whether my parents know it or not they are also putting a lot of pressure on me. I am their one child that is basically almost completely self-sufficient. I might still live with them rent free & eat some of the food they buy, but I'm also the one who pays all of my own bills & doesn't go asking them for money each week. I'm also constantly told by them how proud they are of me because I'm their one child they don't have to worry about & yea I would like to keep it that way.

Also occasionally there are a lot of questions that pop up in my head & along with a lot of feelings that I do have to work through on my own. & when that happens I take time off on my own, when I can to sit & sort through & think. & since I can't exactly take time off work or from school, that leaves only my laptop/internet & the games I play. So yea I pull away & basically disappear for awhile. But I do usually eventually come back. Either because the problems/issues worked themselves out or I managed to push them into a little box in my mind to be dealt with later because I didn't think I could deal with them then & then I forgot about 'em, until the next time something makes that box pop open.

& now that I've said all that I wonder & hope that I have at least 500 and then another 300 words left in me to do the essays required of me for my class cause I need to finish those in the next 2 weeks.

~Nina

P.S. I do hope that answered any possible questions that people may have about my recent internet absences.